What Really is Marriage?


What do I believe the purpose of marriage is, now, standing where I am versus age 21? Growth. Growth and more growth. Transformation is uncomfortable, whether it’s spiritual, emotional, or physical. But it’s necessary for our growth and evolution. At a minimum, discomfort is required for the evolution of soul. In Christianity, we would say, “More like Christ.” I agree wholeheartedly. I think I was drawn to study the Bible because it was filled with examples of kings, prophets, or followers of Jesus who took numerous wrong turns before their souls were truly awakened. I found comfort in that as I navigated through a marriage that I knew was not in integrity. No one’s path is ever perfect. In fact, I know it was because of my mistakes, the mistakes of others, and my challenges that I am where I am as I sit and write this on Easter Day. 

Like I said, since very early childhood, I have sensed a pull toward the spiritual path. That has never really waned in my life, in spite of some poor choices. I’m human. 

Whether we realize it or not, we are in almost constant battle between ego and spirit. Love or fear. Right or wrong. Good or evil. It’s all the same thing! 

I am not here to tell you what your marriage should or shouldn’t be. I desire with all my heart for you to be in a relationship that cherishes all of you. 

As a writer, I am here to share with you my soul’s journey and lessons I’ve learned along the way. If it resonates, cool. If not, toss it. Those goosebumps, chills, and the emphatic yes from your heart is resonance. Alignment with your own soul. 

Knowledge is something we learn through books and education. Wisdom we acquire through experience. They are very different. Being somewhat rebellious to mainstream education, I have typically valued wisdom far more than education. I know I wanted the same for my daughters but then I realized by protecting them from pain in their lives I was actually robbing them of wisdom. 

I got sucked into the Illusion of the world. I was completely fooling myself that by play- ing the game I would somehow hide from them the truth of life. Truth is felt. So hide all your defects from your children – your thoughts, your demons, your addictions – it won’t matter because it’s all felt, absorbed, or inherited because it’s still alive and is energy. Toxic energy like carbon monoxide. Don’t kid yourself – it is in the home you live in, no matter how pretty or perfect. No matter how many awards or accolades you have, your family gets that suppressed hidden energy is still in your home and marriage like cancer. 

This was the awakening I had. Prior to that, I was not in a marriage to evolve, grow, or be enlightened. Heck no, I was still caught in the matrix of the system. The phrase “you can run but you can’t hide” never resonated so perfectly for me until I saw this reality. I could not hide any longer behind the American dream life I had created. And most importantly, it was for me completely wrong to keep duping myself, my spouse, and family that I was happy. Love to me was no longer controlling or creating outcomes but being true to myself and trusting that an Organic Flow would prod Rick and my daughters into the evolution of their souls. 

So what is my view of marriage today from where I am sitting at this moment in time? First of all, “traditional” marriages are no longer serving many individuals well. Primarily women. Women no longer need to sit at the feet of a man to ask him to take care of them in exchange for food and shelter. Survival is no longer based on a legal union. Women have choices like never before and have the same opportunities as men to advance themselves in any field. But to me that’s all man-made BS. Sure legalities in a union afford people certain societal benefits that single people are not afforded. Fine, it’s what sometimes we need to do to make our lives easier or to be accepted in certain arenas. Personal choice. I respect it. But again in my opinion, the real reason we even came into this world was for us to grow spiritually. Period. Spiritual be- ings having a human experience. 

I am often amused how both men and women seem to think that if we get a ring on a fin- ger we are guaranteed security or that the other person can’t go anywhere. Can’t fault them. I naively fell prey to that too. At least it makes it more difficult to leave and that might actually be a good thing as the impulsive creatures that we are. 

Yet marriage first and foremost starts in the heart – the origin of all our personal truth. I’m still not seeing the world completely getting on board with this although we are inching our way toward it. I could name dozens of ways we exit emotionally, leaving our spouse feeling unseen, unheard, unappreciated, unloved, and uncherished – infidelity is not the only way to abandon commitment. Presence is needed more than just sitting at a dinner table or accompanying you to an event. It’s feeling that a person is committed to you on every level of your being. Partnering with you not only emotionally, but in my opinion, even more so spiritually. A spiritual marriage supports you in your healing, growth, and purpose and cheers you on to the best version of you. They are for you. They meet your needs in love not obligation, yet realize no one can be the entire source of all of another’s needs. This partnership is approached with intention and purpose. They are as committed to their own growth as you are to your own. You are “equally yoked” in that neither one has to drag the other uphill. Although there will be conflict, the conflict is used for your evolution, not just to prove who’s right or to gain control. 

We need to feel connection because that is in integrity to God’s design. Because it is what heals us. Connection is not physically living under the same roof, playing house. It’s alive and runs deep into our hearts. 

When we approach each other with open hearts, seeking to meet each other’s needs, we can find ourselves not just loved but cherished. This I wish for you. 

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